Brand name is all that matters. It’s the one constant when selling a product, be it a handgun, jeans or the news. Especially the news. Why do people so blindly trust specific news sources? You name the network and a scandal of fabricating facts or misleading the public is easily uncovered. Peter Jennings should go back to Hell. The networks have a handful of real reporters, the rest are nothing more than notekeepers that sit at press conferences being spoon fed the “news” . You can pay high school students to do that and get an equivalent performance. It would work right into their business plan. They’re not actually trying to expose the truth or inform the public. They’re just trying to present a product that looks like the news, but most importantly they want to entertain. The news programs aren’t produced for the news, it’s for the spaces between the news stories. The commercials, the income, the bottom line. I’m a capitalist, but we still need journalists.

You could tell me that the Illuminati is behind the degradation of the news media and I’d believe it because in the dark recesses of my mind I know it to be true. Right now Col. Sanders and Elvis are at an undisclosed location sipping mint juleps while deciding the schedule for breaking news stories next month. Paul Newman is there also. He’s been assigned the prestigious task of rigging NFL games which requires a considerable amount of time for planning, so he had to fake his own death. The NFL is vital tool for distracting the masses during the Fall season. Their bag of tricks is diverse. Not everyone can be distracted so easily and despite their best efforts, professional football is only mildly distracting outside of Sunday and Monday. They understand the moronic majority and have distractions for all shapes, sizes and stupidities—bowling leagues, book signings and the Madison Overture Center to name a few.

The prudent course of action for a responsible citizen would be to find a busy pedestrian area and kick everyone in the shins. You would eventually hurt the Illuminati and they can’t stand for that. Minions would be dispatched, in the form of municipal police, to oppress you. There’s no sense in explaining your actions. They are after all nothing more than witless tools of the Overlords and you’ll face trumped up charges of assault. You’ll be labeled as unstable and dangerous. A history of unsociable and violent acts will be fabricated. Your neighbors will believe the lies, because it was reported by a trusted news source. Forget your trial. All the fancy legal speak is nothing more than a show to establish creditability for your predetermined punishment. The truth is ugly and it’s getting uglier, much like the old lady on Sex in the City.

I know it’s not very civil to point out someone’s beauty impairment, I was simply making a point. I know plenty about ugly. I see myself in the mirror every morning. That sight only gets worse after several sleepless days of heavy drinking. They say beauty is only skin deep and what really matters is on the inside. I’m ugly there too and it is also amplified by serious drinking. I’m hopelessly ugly. I embrace and celebrate that fact. If you’re going to do something, do it well. I’d drink to that if Air Force regulations allowed alcohol in Iraq.

Giving up alcohol while I’m here is not actually much of a hardship. I’m strange enough without and I can easily entertain myself by inducing a proper frenzy. A swallow or so of fine drink would make it easier to talk myself into a bit of serious fun however. There’s a single place on this base that has a well maintained lawn. Obviously someone takes pride in it. Which means some high ranking official makes many low ranking minions work diligently to manicure and water this stretch of grass. The idea occurs to me that with a pickup truck and a sturdy knife I could take this lawn and hold the sod for ransom. It’s been awhile since I’ve demanded a ransom and I’m feeling the itch. Alternatively I could keep the lawn and with a few other supplies attempt to make a whisky. Iraq sod is certainly not Scottish peat, but one must work with the supplies on hand. If some silly chaste monks can develop tasty beverage, I have confidence that I can as well. Remember, brand name is important and my drink shall be called Babylonian Blended Whisky, Bin 1. A mouth watering handle to say the least.

There is a possibility that I’m spending too much time thinking about the election. Last night a perfectly good opportunity for a fantasy about whatever woman has caught my eye was wasted on a dream that took the form of a debate with Obama, Biden, McCain and Palin. I won’t waste the effort trying to recall the details of the dream. I’m disgusted that my subconscious would taunt me with a vivid fiction involving Biden. I fear that this dream was Universe directed. Does destiny demand I spend time thinking about that rat bastard because the moronic majority is apathetic on the issue? Some sort of sick balancing of an unknown energy?

I don’t intend to fear-monger, but the selection of Biden as a running mate unsettles me deeply. There is a definite possibility that Obama will win the election. If that happens, I believe it to very likely, if not inevitable, that he will be assassinated—perhaps before taking office. The writers of history texts would stumble with that for a time. Would he be the first black President if killed before taking the oath? I would have to say no, but I’m certain many would argue otherwise and perhaps name him the honorary first black President.

That historical debate aside, an assassination would elevate a whorish slime to the Presidency. You simple fools don’t have the proper noses to smell the taint coursing through the veins of that swine. Some of you are probably thinking, whorish slime? Taint! (Not that taint, get your mind out of the gutter) Swine? What about Cheney? I’m talking about right here and now. If you have a time machine then we might have something to talk about. Now get your head back on track. Even a casual observer can plainly see that Biden is a sock puppet for the credit industry. But describing any member of the moronic majority as a ‘casual observer’ would be an undeserved compliment.

Don’t you people understand that a dedicated sociopath needs only a credit card, some wits and Home Depot to construct a weapon capable of killing the President-elect or a jumbo jet? To be sure our wacko would probably be more efficient and would option for a high-powered firearm, likely a .30-06 or 7mm rifle. Never underestimate the abilities of a dedicated man with too much time on his hands. Keeping people locked in prison is a hell of a task because those fiendish convicts have much time and mundane objects such as newspapers that can be shrewdly modified to perform devilish tasks. Convicts are more devious than lawyers and that’s saying something.

I struggle with the meaning of irony. I don’t know if the word is applicable in some situations, but I use it regardless. Would it be ironic Obama is killed with a weapon purchased with a credit card issued by the dark overlords that have a fist firmly up Biden’s ass? Or would it be a carefully planned conspiracy rivaling the mob directed executions of the Kennedy boys?

If you didn’t know, the mob controls the credit card industry. If you lend money with a high interest rate from the back office of a run down pawn shop while wearing a jogging suit and gold chains, it’s called loan sharking. If you do it from a downtown office and wear a nice suit, it’s a government approved industry. The mob is not stupid. They diversified by investing their considerable wealth into “legitimate” businesses. You can make anything legitimate if you own enough Senators. It all started decades back when the Kennedy boys announced they would crack down on the business partners of their father. Ol’ Joe handled the negotiations to get JFK into office. Once there, John decided he no longer needed the mob and treated them as a threat to the Kennedy Dynasty. What if they used their influence to manipulate elections against his fathers interests? Camelot went to war with the mob and lost almost everything. The mob went straight for the head, quite literally, and made a pink mist with JFK. Robert failed to receipt the warning and was forcibly retired. Ted got the message and settled into a life of public uselessness. Joe was broken and without his vital contacts, leaving Camelot a smoldering wreckage.

The mob suffered losses however. Many were incarcerated. That which does not kill you, makes you stronger. Some scattered from the traditional seat of power in New York City and settled in New Jersey, St. Louis, Detroit, Chicago and Las Vegas. Detroit and Chicago were fine cities which the mob could exploit and enjoy. Although Detroit descended into an ugly spiral during the 80’s. Las Vegas is an entity unto itself. The mob still quietly controls much of Vegas, but the weirdness and wealth of Howard Hughes broke their monopoly. St. Louis was exploited for a time, but it soured quickly. The mob fled so quickly they left the toilet seat up. The citizens crafted a monument in honor of that event and they call it the St. Louis Arch. New Jersey is another story altogether. From their homes across the river they managed their operations back in the city. However, the spandex, turnpikes and big hair of the Garden State can wear down even the most capable individual. The wisest among the New Jersey family packed their bags and left that landfill for greener pastures in Delaware. Once there they redesigned their tactics, bought some new cloths, sent their children to prestigious universities and with the help of their puppet Senators, crafted our wonderful credit card industry. The traditional goons didn’t fit the new business model, so they were traded in for lawyers, lobbyists, campaign volunteers and candidates. Biden is one of their goons. He’s not a very eloquent and wasn’t high profile, but he ultimately proved himself useful by assisting with their collection efforts by pushing through new bankruptcy laws.

It’s not even fair to call these Delaware gangsters ‘The Mob’. They are something much more dangerous and fearsome. Gone are the down in the gutter, bloody hand tactics that you could at least fight against if you had the grit. The new methods are much more loathsome and frighteningly legal. They’ve succeeded in transforming something sinister into a legitimate business that destroys thousands of lives each month and receives the seal of approval from the Federal government.

I hope I’m wrong about Obama being assassinated. I’m no anarchist and I’d like to believe we can all work together to at least inflict a minimal amount of harm upon each other. But hell, if you want anarchy I’ll be the one laughing. I have the means, will and skills to protect me and mine. The moronic majority would be dead in less than a year if the system came crashing down. Enough of this anarchy talk. I’m trying to make a point. Stop sidetracking the conversation. Why the hell did Obama pick Biden? What message does that send? I have to believe that Obama plans on being President. Why select this Officer of Scum Villainy? Is there something more sinister at work here that even my highly adapt nose has failed to detect? Is Obama a sleeper agent for the Chicago mob? Is there a time line that reaches all the way back to that hellish year of ‘68? The New Mob was born out of that chaotic year and it was a truly traumatic birth. The felling of the Kennedy boys paved the way for mass riots that fateful week in Chicago. I suspect the mob ordered the riots as further punishment to the Democrats for the Kennedy betrayal. It was well within their ability. Daley was their man. Evidence supports the accusation that the police instigated the riots. A few bad cops and a few thugs mingled in with the protesters is all it would take to ignite that powder keg.

I have no doubt that the mob never surrendered their power in Chicago. The Daley Dynasty, their puppets, is celebrated like saints. How many Chicago politicians are on the payroll? How many have they groomed for higher office? This speculation will only lead to ulcers. I have no intent on defecating blood, so I’ll bring this thought process to idle. These kind of thoughts are easier contemplated with a fermented sedative and for now I am without. Once I’m in the mood for serious fun I’ll get that lawn and begin taking corrective action on this beverage issue.

Expect further writings of unabashed truth for the next few months. I have much time inside my head and the madness is only stilled by speaking its name.

For once in my life I’d like to vote for a candidate I wanted in office. Instead I’ve spent my entire adult life exercising my duty as a citizen voting for the candidate that I least despise. I wish ballots had an option to select “Do Over”. If a majority selects that option, a new election is held and the candidates that ran are barred from the contest. Absent that I’d settle for a benevolent monarch. Imagine if the voters in this election would all write-in King Friday. We already have puppets in Washington, we might as well have a nice one. If Mister McFeely is still alive he can be VP. He does after all have civil service experience. Once King Friday is in office he can issue an executive order dissolving Congress and making himself President for life. Cousin Mary Owl will enforce the order by pecking out the eyes of the opposition. Lady Aberlin would be Secretary of State. In a show of cross-program cooperation, Elmo will be appointed Secretary of Education and Barney will be executed. Cookie Monster will be freed from the Politically Correct shackles and he’ll be allowed to crave and eat cookies as he desires. To ensure no one becomes a victim of bullshit, he’ll be Attorney General. Oscar would become US Ambassador to the United Nations—his new office would be similar to his home. Bert and Ernie could become lobbyists for gay rights, for obvious reasons. They’ll spend their weekends fishing on the Potomac River and Bert will catch nothing. I’d really like to see the Swedish Chef as the White House Press Secretary. Only in dreams I suppose.

I’ve had marginal success in breaking my routine of only eat, work and sleep. There’s only so much you can accomplish when work occupies 14 hours of your day. To make time for everything else, including bathing, I have to sacrifice eating or sleeping. Such is life in Iraq I suppose. I don’t have it so bad. I’m not actually complaining. I simply hope to accomplish something more with my time here. I did finish one book, Kingdom of Fear by Hunter S. Thompson. I have much left to read in the Tesla biography and I’ve been reading articles from The Great Shark Hunt for comic relief when I need an excuse to smile. I was tempted to start reading The Time Machine, but I saw part of the movie while stuck in Baghdad. I’ll have to wait until that is scrubbed from my frontal lobe so as not to corrupt the enjoyment of reading the story. I fear many great works will be corrupted by Hollywood in my lifetime as their copyrights eventually expire.

I end this dispatch on a question. If there was one decision you’ve made in the past five years that you could go back and change, what would it be? I’m honestly tempted to change what I ate for breakfast this morning. It’s straight kicking my ass. Sadly, I can’t even remember what I ate.

I should know better, but I find myself amazed at the speed of change. Was the Berlin Wall so long ago? Where did the menace bent on the destruction of freedom go? Was the Bogyman buried under the crumbling brinks of the Wall? Was it a mass hallucination? Or did he sneak out the back while everyone was distracted by the righteous joy of destroying the symbol of all that was feared? The Bogyman is out there, waiting, watching and learning. You won’t recognize him. The Wolf has a new suit, new slogans and a taste for revenge. A physical wall is not hiding his deeds this time. He’s masked behind layers of puppets unwittingly manipulated. You fools have no idea what they’re being used in your own destruction.

I may be looking at this from the wrong perspective. It may be a necessary evil and in sick way, the evil is good. Evolution marching on. A culling of the heard. Manifest destiny. A equal and opposite reaction. Has a taint fallen upon the soul of humanity that can only be cleansed by sacrifice? Is this simply the result of democracy in a society that is apathetic to the point of stupidity? Is the Bogeyman correct in his desire to strip the masses of the freedom to choose?

Washington is currently debating a bank bailout that will cost the taxpayers $700 billion. In simple terms, the bailout in current form is a mistake. The risk of lending money has evaporated. That risk is necessary for a healthy economy and fair lending. Risk is the only thing that will keep the greedy bastards from fleecing America. An era must end if we are to survive. The banks should only be able to lend as much money has they control. Not assets, but money. Money you loaned out is not an asset you should be able to claim towards your current cash balance. Their creative accounting is only part of the problem. No more reducing their risks by pawning off these loans by bundling them into bonds and unleashing on the markets as AAA investments. Without the risk, they gave out loans for greater amounts than individuals can afford and apply a variable interest rate. Tack on the inevitable penalties, fees, increased property taxes due to the bullshit housing boom and you have a cost too many can not afford. The banks didn’t care. The new bankruptcy law protected their “investment” by making it nearly impossible for individuals to escape the trap. You can thank Biden in large part for that. That credit industry sock puppet should have his genitals removed with a dull spoon while he’s forced to watch the remains of his dead wife fed to carnivorous beetles. Many more should share a similar experience. The former CEO of Countywide Financial should be public enemy, top 10 most wanted. He drove that company into the ground by handing out bad loans, misrepresented assets to inflate the stock price and when it all came tumbling down, he collected a massive severance package while the investors lost everything. That is fraud on such a massive scale that it should be a capital offense so egregious that Constitutional protections against cruel and unusual punishment should be suspended. He should be water-boarded while vultures fest on his flesh.

But what organization will bring these criminals to justice? Not the FBI. That farce of an agency is far too busy assisting the ATF harass and violate the rights of fringe groups. Years of investigation, unlawful raids and assassinations result in few weapon violations that countless others are guilty of. These groups negatively impact at most a few hundred. These criminals on Wall Street have destroyed the lives of hundreds of thousands. It’s the fucking lawyers I tell you. The weirdos and extremists don’t have the OJ Simpson Defense Team.

There’s much blame to be had, but don’t fool yourself into blaming these homeowners that defaulted on their loans. They should have known better than borrowing more than they could afford with a variable interest rate, but you can’t fault a mouse for stepping into the trap. The cheese was dangling in front of their nose. They wanted the American Dream. All they had to do was sign the paper and they had the three bedroom house with a picket fence. Splat! The mouse dies and is off the Purgatory until all debts are paid. McDonalds is also somehow to blame for part of this mess, but for the life of me I can’t explain a logical chain of events as to why. Just take my word for it. The McRib is a key facilitator.

If Washington wants to throw money at the problem, the only bailout option that should be considered is offering to buy the remaining principle on default loans. No interest profit. They should reap no reward for handing out bad loans. Take it or leave it you filthy swine. Even with that option, they’d probably still go under, as they should. At least the loans would be under new management and the homeowners should be given the option of resuming their payments under reasonable loan terms. Keep the people in their homes. Let them make affordable payments. Such a thing won’t happen however. This was never about doing what is right for America. These banks own the career politicians “debating” the bailout. The state of American politics is drastically unfortunate for the average American. Here we are stuck between two contradicting truths. You cannot afford to own a Senator and you damn sure can’t afford to not to.

Lastly, blame yourself. You keep reelecting these career politicians. You fools get what you deserve and you’re dragging me down with you.

Just a couple months ago I nearly sank $8000 into funds heavily invested in some of the banks now failing. The prices looked favorable at the time due to a market slump and I was expecting that over the next ten years that investment would yield a 8-15% return. I was nearly snagged by the trap. Those bastards know how to make an investment look favorable to the casual investor. Even my research didn’t raise any flags. I actually stopped due to minor details. In this case fortune favors the hesitant.

The Roll Call of Shame:

Wall Street banks
Career politicians
Biden (he deserves special mention due to his affiliation with the credit industry)
DOJ, FBI, SEC, ATF, FDIC, FED, Treasury
McDonalds
You

Current Location:  Joint Base Balad, Iraq (BLAB)

It’s been an abrupt adjustment over the past two weeks.  I had grown accustomed to doing very little for extended periods of time.  I’m well behind on my reading.  Since I’ve arrived at BLAB it’s been an effort to shower before falling asleep.  I’ve settled into a rhythm of nothing more than eat, work and sleep.  I’ll have to break that.

Getting to BLAB is a long, but ultimately boring story.  In short, my flight was diverted to Baghdad due to a sandstorm and I was stuck there for a few days.  I passed the time by sleeping on the concrete at the terminal or watching television at the recreation tent.  There were hundreds waiting to catch a flight to various destinations.  In and around the terminal, we were stacked like cord wood.  However, being stranded in Baghdad did give me time to contemplate a couple things.

I believe I’ve made a breakthrough on my time loss problem.  When the idea fully formed it felt like a strong electric charge was applied to my genitals and in the same instant someone smashed my toes with a 16 oz Craftsman carpenters hammer.  Which is coincidentally exactly what happened to Einstein the moment he formulated his Theory of Relativity.  That’s how he got his hairstyle.  My theory will change physics and the world.  I have much to do.  I need interns and grants, but more importantly, I need patents, trademarks and copyrights.  I’d say more about my theory, but I can’t have those usurpers at MIT pirating my idea.

I’ve also figured out why the Idiots at Logistics Planning created this shell game/bait and switch method of combat air transportation.  They are at war.  Not the same same war as the rest of the military.  We (the troops going to and from the war) are the enemy.  We are at the gates.  They need to drive us back to end this conflict.  Through deception and irritation the Idiots will destroy our will to fight.  Once our will is gone, we will no longer need to travel and we will no longer be a nuisance to the Idiots.  The Idiots may be winning this war.  They at least have us by the balls.  But I shall take the Postal Service Oath to a new level.  I will not be kept from my appointed duty, not by rain, snow, Idiots, Sundays or Federal Holidays.  The Idiots shall not prevail.  In the annuals of military air travelers, this will be remembered as the finest hour.

Current Location:  Al Udeid, Qatar (AUAB)

The first leg of my expedition into the desert is complete and my group has been split into four small chalks for the next leg. When I leave this place is anyone’s guess. The idiots arranging our flights should be strung up by their toes and flogged with pig entrails. The flight assigned to my chalk is going nowhere near our destination. I don’t know if they expected us to accept that or if they thought we simply wanted to ride on an airplane. Whoppie! In this case the destination is relevant. Give me time to prepare and a choice between five and I’ll be happy to go somewhere else. I hear Egypt is beautiful this time of year.

I forgot my watch and alarm clock at home. Despite my clock deficiency, time continues passing. I didn’t actually expect time to suspend until I acquired a new watch. That would have been convenient though. The universe is hardly convenient.

I lost a day during my flights here. I thought I lost more, but I came to my senses. I think it happened in Ireland. It’s difficult to be exact, I wasn’t watching it very close. I lost this morning as well. I had gone to sleep just before midnight and when I left my tent it was six in the afternoon. I slept part of that time, but mostly read and watched movies on my computer. If felt like morning when I decided to leave my tent and as expected, the sun was low in the sky. It was the wrong side of the horizon I later discovered. The sun setting when I expected it to be rising encouraged me to check the time.

I’m beginning to wonder if my watch did more than tell time. Did it somehow protect me from random fluctuations in the passage of time? It wouldn’t be the first time a watch has achieved a purpose beyond telling time. Harold Crick will confess to that. Or was that a work of fiction? I’m going to get a drink and investigate further.
…

No time for drinks you bastards. We had a meeting about our travel arrangements. They idiots split up our groups even more. My group, Balad 2, has been split into four smaller groups. One group has been combined with a portion of Balad 1, which was also cut up into smaller groups. What once was one is now fifteen separate groups. I have no hope for the next leg of my journey to proceed smoothly. If all goes according to plan I’ll be at my destination tomorrow. I don’t expect that to happen. We’re all doomed.

I need to remember to get a haircut and talk to finance tomorrow.