For once in my life I’d like to vote for a candidate I wanted in office. Instead I’ve spent my entire adult life exercising my duty as a citizen voting for the candidate that I least despise. I wish ballots had an option to select “Do Over”. If a majority selects that option, a new election is held and the candidates that ran are barred from the contest. Absent that I’d settle for a benevolent monarch. Imagine if the voters in this election would all write-in King Friday. We already have puppets in Washington, we might as well have a nice one. If Mister McFeely is still alive he can be VP. He does after all have civil service experience. Once King Friday is in office he can issue an executive order dissolving Congress and making himself President for life. Cousin Mary Owl will enforce the order by pecking out the eyes of the opposition. Lady Aberlin would be Secretary of State. In a show of cross-program cooperation, Elmo will be appointed Secretary of Education and Barney will be executed. Cookie Monster will be freed from the Politically Correct shackles and he’ll be allowed to crave and eat cookies as he desires. To ensure no one becomes a victim of bullshit, he’ll be Attorney General. Oscar would become US Ambassador to the United Nations—his new office would be similar to his home. Bert and Ernie could become lobbyists for gay rights, for obvious reasons. They’ll spend their weekends fishing on the Potomac River and Bert will catch nothing. I’d really like to see the Swedish Chef as the White House Press Secretary. Only in dreams I suppose.
I’ve had marginal success in breaking my routine of only eat, work and sleep. There’s only so much you can accomplish when work occupies 14 hours of your day. To make time for everything else, including bathing, I have to sacrifice eating or sleeping. Such is life in Iraq I suppose. I don’t have it so bad. I’m not actually complaining. I simply hope to accomplish something more with my time here. I did finish one book, Kingdom of Fear by Hunter S. Thompson. I have much left to read in the Tesla biography and I’ve been reading articles from The Great Shark Hunt for comic relief when I need an excuse to smile. I was tempted to start reading The Time Machine, but I saw part of the movie while stuck in Baghdad. I’ll have to wait until that is scrubbed from my frontal lobe so as not to corrupt the enjoyment of reading the story. I fear many great works will be corrupted by Hollywood in my lifetime as their copyrights eventually expire.
I end this dispatch on a question. If there was one decision you’ve made in the past five years that you could go back and change, what would it be? I’m honestly tempted to change what I ate for breakfast this morning. It’s straight kicking my ass. Sadly, I can’t even remember what I ate.