Current Location: Joint Base Balad, Iraq (BLAB)
It’s been an abrupt adjustment over the past two weeks. I had grown accustomed to doing very little for extended periods of time. I’m well behind on my reading. Since I’ve arrived at BLAB it’s been an effort to shower before falling asleep. I’ve settled into a rhythm of nothing more than eat, work and sleep. I’ll have to break that.
Getting to BLAB is a long, but ultimately boring story. In short, my flight was diverted to Baghdad due to a sandstorm and I was stuck there for a few days. I passed the time by sleeping on the concrete at the terminal or watching television at the recreation tent. There were hundreds waiting to catch a flight to various destinations. In and around the terminal, we were stacked like cord wood. However, being stranded in Baghdad did give me time to contemplate a couple things.
I believe I’ve made a breakthrough on my time loss problem. When the idea fully formed it felt like a strong electric charge was applied to my genitals and in the same instant someone smashed my toes with a 16 oz Craftsman carpenters hammer. Which is coincidentally exactly what happened to Einstein the moment he formulated his Theory of Relativity. That’s how he got his hairstyle. My theory will change physics and the world. I have much to do. I need interns and grants, but more importantly, I need patents, trademarks and copyrights. I’d say more about my theory, but I can’t have those usurpers at MIT pirating my idea.
I’ve also figured out why the Idiots at Logistics Planning created this shell game/bait and switch method of combat air transportation. They are at war. Not the same same war as the rest of the military. We (the troops going to and from the war) are the enemy. We are at the gates. They need to drive us back to end this conflict. Through deception and irritation the Idiots will destroy our will to fight. Once our will is gone, we will no longer need to travel and we will no longer be a nuisance to the Idiots. The Idiots may be winning this war. They at least have us by the balls. But I shall take the Postal Service Oath to a new level. I will not be kept from my appointed duty, not by rain, snow, Idiots, Sundays or Federal Holidays. The Idiots shall not prevail. In the annuals of military air travelers, this will be remembered as the finest hour.