Looking back through my life almost every memory has a song associated with it. As a kid I loved listening to my “Muppet Christmas” record. A few years later my brothers and me would pretend we were rock stars with the “Pink Panther Punk” record. Through my adolescent years I strayed from records and found radio and Mtv. That was when the songs on the radio stations were better and Mtv actually showed music videos. I don’t care what anyone says. I love the music from the 80’s. The variety, pushing the norm, discovering new possibilities in music. I eventually scrounged enough money from various jobs, like babysitting and a paper route to buy my first CD player. The very first CD I purchased was “Pork Soda” by Primus. I still have that CD. Primus introduced me to a much different type of music. At that point was hooked on finding music that don’t I hear on the radio. I stared digging around for no name bands. Musicians that weren’t making the big bucks. They were just making music and if it made money they were able to keep on going. A lot of the bands I listened to during those years didn’t survive long, but they were a shooting stars in my life.

One day I found myself at Best Buy near West Towne. I was cruising through the music racks and an album caught my eye. That album was “Stranger Than Fiction” by Bad Religion. I remember that it was the most interesting album cover I’d ever seen, so I had to buy it. That album brought about another revolution. I sought out music by bands that toured with Bad Religion or were on the same record label. Before this point I barely knew of punk rock. Some were played on the radio when I was younger. But it had virtually disappeared from the radio waves during my early teen years and I didn’t know much about any punk bands that were currently playing. I jumped into punk rock head first. Operation Ivy, The Vandals, Black Flag, Dead Kennedys and NOFX. That’s not to say there weren’t other types of music I listened to then. I was a huge fan of Jane’s Addiction, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Better Than Ezra, Smashing Pumpkins and Bush, but punk was first and foremost.

I never got past punk. To this day I love punk, but I’ve learned the different types of punk rock and it’s close relatives. There’s hardcore, oui, emo, ska (1st, 2nd and 3rd generation, there’s a difference), SoCal, bubblegum, skater, pop-punk and then there’s those bands that defy definition, but find themselves well received touring with punk bands. An old school example would be Social Distortion. They took blues and country western and made something quite different than any punk band in the past.

If you looked through my iPod you’d find a blinding variety of music I’ve collected over the years. Everything from Joe Strummer to Do As Infinity, a Japanese band that sings in Japanese. There’s also the original Tatu album which is in Russian. A few tracks by Elvis Costello and The Smiths. Then there’s the artists you’ve never heard like Brooke Annabelle. She sings melancholy blues with acoustic guitar. She was only 16 when I first heard her music. But the vast majority is punk. Over 200 different punk bands and artists. It’s important to have the variety. I frequently get urges to hear certain songs or artists and can’t get it out of my head until it’s satisfied. And yes I have a large iPod. I don’t know how anyone can be satisfied with an iPod Mini or Nano.

That brings me to the song burning up the battery on my iPod right now. There’s one track on the “Bleed American” album by Jimmy Eat World that I can’t hear enough of. The song is “A Praise Chorus” and everything about it speaks to what I’ve been feeling lately. It’s gone beyond an urge to just hear the song. I feel the need to not just hear the song, but to take the words to heart and take action.

For the past two years there’s been one girl that I’ve had very strong feelings about. I screwed it up the first time around, but I never could shake those feelings for her and believe me I tried. I found myself making excuses to ignore those feelings and rationalizing that now is not a good time to make a move. I was constantly setting another benchmark that needed to be accomplished before I tried again. Time kept going by and I waited. I’m tired of waiting. The feelings I have for her haven’t changed in two years. Obviously trying to ignore those feelings isn’t working. Lately has been especially difficult. I’ve had more contact with her, but by no means a lot. I actually see her maybe once or twice a month. But I’ve been dreaming about her lately. Very strange dreams. I can’t seem to get her out of my head and my subconscious seems to be giving me an ultimatum.

I’ve decided that excuses be damned. Get the girl or die trying. I have to make a move, but what kind of move? I could work my way into gradually spending more time with her or I could just blurt it out. Maybe a combination of the two. I’ll admit that the dreams I’ve been having fall along the lines of blurting it out. Probably a bad move, but the urge to do so is strong. At this point I think any amount of planning is pointless. I’ve suppressed this for so long that I don’t have much will power to resist my feelings and abide by a plan.

I had a friend that fell hard for a girl when I lived in California. We used to make fun of him when he’d get all worried before a date. He couldn’t eat. He’d ramble. He wouldn’t sleep the night before. It’s not funny when it happens to you.