There is one thing I have no tolerance for, infidelity. I can’t recall when I developed this moral belief, but I imagine it stems from two influences.

One: My parents have been married for a very long time and they’ve made it work. Every couple has problems and I know they weren’t handed anything. With honest work and dedication, you can stay committed and faithful.

Two: The motto of the Marine Corps is “Semper Fidelis”, which means “always faithful” in Latin. I was taught the meaning of this at boot camp. Some might call it brainwashing, but I call it tradition and value. There are some things that should matter, this is one of them. There are those that have betrayed the faith, but it doesn’t mean the belief is without merit. I am still very much a Marine. If you keep the faith, you are a Marine for life. You can also have this faith without ever earning the title of Marine yourself.

So how does this influence me? I will not betray anyone within my circle. Some don’t understand my actions at times or even think them creepy, sneaky or motivated by deviant desires. For instance, I was at a unit exercise last year and I took it upon myself to watch over a certain woman I work with. One day she was feeling ill, I carried her gear and made sure she made it back to her dorm room safely. On another night she was fairly drunk and I walked her back to her dorm. Why? It’s simple. I won’t lie, she’s very attractive and that is part of the reason. Not because I want to have a sexual relationship with her, but because being an attractive women can be dangerous at times. I will not allow harm to fall upon her because she is a good person. Her husband is also a former Marine and I extend the respect I have for Marines to their wives, families and friends. My circle will not befall harm if I can prevent it.

I’m not perfect however. Sometimes I make mistakes in the cause of my belief. This is when I expect others to take notice and correct me. It’s all about checks and balances. If you have true faith in this belief, you will understand that intention and action are equal parts. You can have great intentions and act in error. You can also perform all the right actions, but will ill intentions and be just as wrong.

I have a trying time ahead of me. The months ahead will not be easy and I know I there will be a time that I must choose to put others before myself. I have no problem with this. The hard part is knowing when that time is. Most times it will not be physical harm. It’s often pride or status that must be risked. I think it’s easier for most people to risk physical harm, than it is to risk pride or status. I’m not certain why that is and I’m sure there are many studies about this. I think it’s probably because we are social animals. Our place in society is a major part of our lives. Many people spend a great portion of their lives trying to find their place. When you find your place, you don’t want to lose it. Even if you haven’t found your place, you know what is lower and I can’t think of anyone that wants to be placed in a lower status than they’ve already achieved. Pride is a strength and a weakness. It can motivate you to greatness and make you cower in fear. You must take risk, have courage and temper your pride. That is fidelity.

Now something different.

When I like a woman, I always seem to figure out what I should do only after the point in which I should have done something has passed. Other times I know I should do something, but I realize that the timing is all wrong for me. Like me leaving the country for instance. I think I need to be more direct with my intentions. I’ll figure it out some day I suppose. I’m in the mood for a serious girlfriend now. It’s been awhile since I’ve had that and I would like to try again. I’ve kept myself at a distance from serious relationships for about six years. In that time I’ve made many mistakes with woman and I feel I’ve learned something. It’s time to put that knowledge to the test. Unfortunately I’m leaving the country and I’ve realized which woman I want. At this point I can only stay in touch and hope that the chance hasn’t passed me by.

Sometimes I wish that it was a conscience choice as far as who you love. That would be much simpler. I don’t have trouble finding someone I’m sexually attracted to and enjoy spending time with, but the magic isn’t there. It’s damn frustrating.